Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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