Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
