Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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