she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
