i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
