i will never coherently bang her
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
