the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
