I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
