I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
