Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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