Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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