i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
