Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
