Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
