my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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