I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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