So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize