You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
