Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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