do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
