let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
