i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
