I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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