if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want nice things and good sex
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
