Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
