her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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