dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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