you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
