just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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