hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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