have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
