I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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