I think I am morally bankrupt
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
