We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
