OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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