you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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