So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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