walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
