You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
