i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
