You really coming over, don't trick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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