this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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