I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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