Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
