You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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