1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
