I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
