I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
