not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
