community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
