sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
