I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
