I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
