dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
