My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
