my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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