OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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