I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
