note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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