literally had 100 drinks last night.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
