you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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