The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
