There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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