cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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