that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
