sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
