on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
