what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize