She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
