I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
