I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
