32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
