Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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