I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
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ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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