You smell like stripper and shame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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