I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
