What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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