i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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